I realized I was hungry right before I put Donut in the tub for a bath so I brought a fruit bar with me to munch on while she soaked. We ended up sharing it while she splashed and laughed. I sometimes let her have treats in the tub. It’s special, and she’s talking so much and is so animated and dramatic that it just makes bath times fun.
I think of spontaneous moments like these and how we just enjoy spending time together. I love taking her to the little grocery store where it’s not so crowded that she can “push” the cart with me, help me bag apples and sample some of the treats they have laid out. She likes to help me fold the laundry and she loooooves to throw clothes in the washer.
Mundane things. But to us, we’re making memories and living life together. I love to spend time with her. The two of us make a great team. And she’s a cuddler. She’s mama’s girl through and through. We snuggle every day before naps and every night before bed.
Of course I was excited when I found out we were expecting again. But after the news started to sink in, I honestly was a little sad. Sad that my lap would never be just Donut’s, sad that my time would have to be divided.
I ache thinking about the times I’m going to have to tell her that mommy can’t hold her because mommy has to hold the baby.
I wonder how she’ll react, if she’ll feel a sense of loss. Donut is sensitive, she already feels deeply. I know she’s still little and she’ll adapt. But my heart aches for her. Right now I’m all hers. She knows she can climb on me, wipe her snot on me and eat off my plate. Some of those things won’t change, but I feel bad that she’ll have to share me with someone else.
I know I’m not the first mom to feel this way. It hasn’t hit me how hard it’ll be to manage for myself–I’m just concerned about the impact on my sensitive, sweet and tender girl. And truthfully, I’m going to miss the Mommy and Donut times, just the two of us. I’m soaking in the time we have together as much as I can.
Transitions are hard all around. I know it’s a good lesson for us all to learn. Life has a way of figuring things out and then they fall into place and feel so very right. I’m confident we’ll land on our feet. But in the meantime, I’m taking all the Donut snuggles I can get.
